Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
