come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
