Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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