fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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