i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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