I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
