I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
