If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
