Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
