absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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