Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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