i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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