I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I supernannyed him into submission
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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