____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
