This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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