just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
