I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
