You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
please come you make the beer taste better
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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