I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
