You can't motorboat a personality
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
