I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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