Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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