I want to have your abortion
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
