life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You work out of a Hotel?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
