At least make sure they are 18
Why
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
