This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
