I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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