Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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