I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
