I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
