It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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