remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
