I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
