You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize