hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
