Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We need to get me chipped asap
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