ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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