i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
