you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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