Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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