Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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