Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
