i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
