every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
