My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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