I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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