remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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