I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I want a musical about memes.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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