I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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