Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize