I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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