i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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