My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
