You really coming over, don't trick.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
