she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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