just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
