She just used a chaser for red wine.
I intend to get homeless drunk
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
