i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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