She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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