If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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