the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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