How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize