You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
