K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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