Pants 0. Shit 1.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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