Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
