If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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